Going with the flow...

The other night I unexpectedly had quite a bit of time to just sit and think, as I sat in bumper-to-bumper gridlock waiting to get off a freeway that had been closed to make way for the moving of the longest two-span bridge ever moved in the Western Hemisphere.

The sad thing is, I knew the freeway was going to be closed.  I was out partying late into the night as only scrapbookers can do, and my friends and I had discussed the freeway closure and alternate ways to get home.  As I got on the freeway I saw there was no slowing and thought, 'Well, I'll go down a few exits and get off at the one before the closure.' 

I drove a few miles down the freeway there was still no sign of slowing.  I approached the last exit before the exit I knew I'd be forced off, and I thought, 'I should really get off here.'  But the freeway had only just closed, and no one else was getting off there, and there was only a mile or two until the final exit.  I dithered long enough that the choice was pretty much made for me -- I had passed the last exit and I was committed.

Sure enough, as I rounded the bend there was nothing in front of me but a sea of brake lights.  As I inched forward I wondered why on earth I hadn't just gotten off when my gut feeling and just plain common sense told me I should.  It would have added an extra 5 minutes or so to the time it normally takes to get home.  Instead I was stuck on the freeway an extra half hour just to go about 1 mile.

But I was content to just follow what it seemed like everyone else was doing.  I wanted to get as close as I could to the edge before changing my path.  And by the time it became apparent I had made the wrong choice, it was too late and I was stuck.

How often do we do that in life?  We take the path of least resistance, we go with the flow.  We don't want to be weird or make waves, even when our gut is telling us that it is time to get off the road we're on.  Maybe we think that we can get closer to the edge without falling off than others can.  Maybe we take for granted that the path we're on is the right one, or we're just on auto-pilot.  Instead of taking responsibility for our own choices, we dither until the opportunity for making a choice has passed us by.

Sometimes we feel like that wrong choice (or that choice we didn't make) is permanent -- that we are now stuck on the wrong road.  Thankfully, real life does offer us a chance to turn around.  Or perhaps I should say that God offers us a chance to turn around.  No matter now far down the wrong road we go, he is always there, waiting to show us our chance to exit and get back on the right road.  It might take us a little longer to get to our destination than if we did what we should have in the first place, but God's detour is always going to get us safely to our destination.


So I guess I'm saying three things:

1.  Listen to what you feel inside and live on purpose.  Don't just go with the flow and allow life to make choices for you.

2.  If you end up on what turns out to be the wrong road, don't give up.  God will show you the detour to get back on track.

3.  If you know the DOT is moving a bridge the size of a football field, just get off the dang freeway.

Life advice from the Dr. himself -- a "Perfect" Thought for the Day.

Today (as anyone with an elementary school student or a Facebook account knows) is Dr. Seuss's birthday, and in honor of the day I thought I'd share some of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes. He truly knew how to appreciate differences, quirks, imperfections, and all that was good in people!

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
— Dr. Seuss (Happy Birthday to You!) 

"Be grateful you’re not in the forest in France
Where the average young person just hasn’t a chance
To escape from the perilous pants eating plants
But your pants are safe, you’re a fortunate guy
You ought to be shouting how lucky am I"
— Dr. Seuss (Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?) 

"My uncle ordered popovers
from the restaurant's bill of fare.
And, when they were served,
he regarded them with a penetrating stare.
Then he spoke great words of wisdom
as he sat there on that chair:
"To eat these things," said my uncle,
"You must exercise great care.
You may swallow down what's solid,
but you must spit out the air!"
And as you partake of the world's bill of fare,
that's darned good advice to follow.
Do a lot of spitting out the hot air.
And be careful what you swallow."
— Dr. Seuss 

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

And my personal favorite for today, which I've heard many times before but never knew it came from the good Dr. Seuss, is this: 

For more awesome Suessisms, visit the GoodReads or ThinkExist Dr. Seuss pages.

7 Ways to Be Your Best Self...

Okay, the blog post from Becky Higgins that I'm linking you to is actually called "7 Ways to Increase Charity," but as I read it I couldn't help thinking that if I applied any of her advice to myself, I would definitely have a "best self" kind of day.  So check it out!  How do you think making little changes like what she describes could help you be your best self?

Perfectly Imperfect?

When I was trying to figure out what web address I could use for this blog, I came across a lot of variations of "perfectly imperfect."  You hear that a lot, too -- the slogan for Nick Jr.'s "Parents Connect" forum is "Perfectly Imperfect Parents Like You."  And I think it's great that people are embracing imperfection and trying to help others embrace it, too.  The more people out there sharing that message the better!

But it hit me the other day (when I heard that Nick Jr. slogan for the 45th time as my kids were glued to the TV all morning) -- I'm not even perfect at being imperfect.  Seriously.  As much as I try, I still get sucked into perfection mode sometimes.  I worry about appearances too much.  I judge people in ways they don't deserve.  I beat myself up about not doing or being everything I expect from myself, or everything I think someone else expects from me.

So with all that I write here, please know that I am just working on it, like everyone else.  Not perfectly imperfect, but getting kinda-sorta good at it... :)

Close Enough -- A "Perfect" Thought for Today

 

Find the whole talk here.

"I thought I was the only one..."

Have you ever been in a pet store?  You see all the little hamsters and lizards in their glass cases, all stacked up so they're together, but separated from one another.

Have you ever felt like one of them? 

Buying into the idea of "perfection" puts each one of us into those little glass boxes.  We can see each other, but we put up walls that keep us apart. This can happen in all sorts of ways.

We look at the people around us and think, "Oh, they're so perfect.  They must think I'm so awful."  So we never climb out of our own glass box to extend a hand of friendship, just assuming that the other person would have no use for us.  When I first started writing this blog, my dear cousin Tiffany sent me this email (which I use with her permission):

     "In my ward [that's what LDS people call our congregation], there is a beautiful, petite woman with an incredible body that decorates and dresses well and eats healthy food...  I automatically assume that there is no way these seemingly perfect women would want to befriend a chubby, out-of-control with clutter, working mom that is constantly-exhausted and needing-babysitters, kind of girl."

Now, this is exactly how I would describe myself, so I was really surprised to find out that Tiff put me in the "perfect women" category.  But that's the truth of it -- we all see our own faults like we're looking through a magnifying glass, but we see others through a lens that only makes us suffer in comparison. 

But Tiff has a very good head on her shoulders, and her next statement really struck home for me:

     "Sometimes, I pretend that perfect ladies like this are incontinent or have thirteen toes or something.  I always need a reminder that no one is the best of the best all the time.  I imagine it's so hard for _____ if she knows how envied she is and thought she had to keep up to such insurmountable standards."

When we look at someone else's lifestyle or body or well-behaved children or job or whatever, we put them in a glass box as well, so that neither one of us can reach the other.   We feel like we can never measure up to a standard that we've usually imagined up ourselves, and they feel like they can never admit to any weakness without disappointing people. 

When you are in that glass cage, you can't ask for help, because that would be acknowledging that we are somehow not perfectly capable.  You can't build meaningful relationships with the people around you because you have to hold back what makes you human.  You can't appreciate the deep, complicated beauty of the people around you because you are too busy expecting perfection from them. 

A couple of months ago, at a family function, my sisters and I were chatting with some of our girl cousins and revealed some little imperfection.  Nothing serious or earth-shattering -- I would never have given in another second's thought -- but one of my cousins (not the aforementioned Tiff) was literally shocked at what I said.  She said, almost to herself: "I thought I was the only one..."  The moment passed quickly and the conversation turned to other things, but her comment has stayed with me.  How often do we think we're the only one?  We think we're "the only one" who struggles, who makes mistakes, who feels bad or lonely or misunderstood.  We assume others are judging us, or definitely would be judging us if we gave them the chance by revealing our imperfections.

Isolation.  That is the sad by-product of the myth of perfection.  Instead of accepting and loving and helping each other, we lock ourselves away and try to be content with solitary confinement.  It's all part of the prison we create by believing in "perfection." 

Don't let yourself be isolated by creating some imaginary standard you'll never live up to.  Don't isolate others by believing their perfection will never allow them to accept you.  Break down those glass walls -- you'll be amazed how well you can love and be loved, just by being the "real you."

"Thinking Errors" -- A Video Worth Watching

I saw this segment on our local "lifestyle show" the other day, and I thought the ideas in it were really worth sharing. I especially liked the part about not assuming you know what other people are thinking about you...

Click here to see a written version of what the presenter talks about.