Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The King Mushroom (extended version...)

I pride myself on not being easily offended, but now I have been defamed on the Internet for all to see, and I will not put up with it!  My famous blogger brother Dan of Single Dad Laughing just posted about The King Mushroom, a story that lives in infamy in our sibling history.

The basic story is this:  My mom always added raisins and canned mushrooms to the spaghetti sauce.  Don't knock the raisins till you've tried 'em, people!  Dan is totally fronting that he didn't like that part -- we all gobbled up those little bits of sweetness.  But the mushrooms?  Oh, what we wouldn't do to escape the slippery, rubbery bites of death.  One night we discovered the most enormous canned mushroom in the history of the earth in the spaghetti sauce.  I'm pretty sure it was the size of my hand.  It may have covered the entire plate.

DANIEL is saying that I was the unlucky recipient of the flying-saucer-sized fungus, and that after my attempt to hide it on the floor under the table was discovered, I blamed him then gleefully watched as he was forced to eat it.

Lies, I tell you!

I know this, because I would never, ever have done such a thing.  I was the oldest, and therefore had a responsibility to set an example of perfect integrity and compassion for my younger siblings.  And I was perfect at it -- just ask me...

I'm pretty sure the original recipient of The King Mushroom was our poor little brother Eric, who at seven years old could hardly have been expected to eat a mushroom the size of his head.  He did chuck it on the floor, where it was in fact discovered by our parents.  Dan probably did get the blame, because he was definitely the pickiest eater.  You should have seen him gag pathetically when forced to eat peas.  But Dan, you missed the best part of the story!  When none of us would 'fess up to the crime, my parents decreed that no one would get to leave the table until that mushroom was eaten.  They didn't care who ate it as long as someone did.  So the four of us "big kids" sat at the table, long after our parents had left, eyeing each other and The King Mushroom.  Dan stabbed it with his fork and dropped it onto Eric's plate.  Eric picked it up and threw it at Dan, who picked it up and threw it at me.  Pretty soon we were laughing hysterically as we threw it back and forth at each other.  It may or may not have escalated into throwing other food items -- my memory gets fuzzy at that point.  But it did not go unnoticed by our parents, and the four of us spent some significant time with our noses on the wall that night.

But not all night -- that's a sibling story for another time...

P.S.  I mentioned this story to my mom the other night and she had zero recollection of these events.  I'm very interested to hear if Amy and Eric (our two younger siblings involved in this particular episode) remember this at all, and their versions of the events!

P.P.S.  Raisins in spaghetti sauce are delicious!  Just check out this yummy recipe for Sicilian spaghetti sauce:


  1. Ha! I love this! I read Single Dad Laughing daily and it's funny to see the other side of the story. Reminds me of myself and my own sister.

  2. Haha!! Too funny Tomi. I did read Dan's version first and I love what you have added. We do have one incident where my mom really hated everything about "Cindy Lauper" and we were forbidden to say her name, lest we have our mouths washed out with soap (I guess for fear that we would have turned out wild like her?!?). Anyway, one day when my sister and I were in trouble and we were sent to our room, my sister and I were so mad that we tipped over our dresser and in our first (and only) attempt at graffiti wrote all over the back "Cindy Lauper, Cindy Lauper, Cindy Lauper, etc." We then put the dresser back against the wall and there it sat for many years, unnoticed until we moved out of the house with that poor dresser left behind. Later when my parents were moving the dresser to another room, my mom saw the back and asked us about it. We then fessed up about our vandalism and why we did it and she asked us why we chose to write that. What?!? She didn't remember the forbidden "Cindy Lauper??" She really doesn't remember forbidding us to say her name and so my sister and I still laugh about it all and that poor tagged "Cindy Lauper" dresser.........RIP!!

  3. LOL! This is a great addition to the other half of the story. I unfortunately (or is that fortunately?) don't have stories like this one. Thanks for "setting the record straight"

  4. Just read both versions, and though I obviously was never there, I'll back up your version all the way sista!

    I have brothers too.

    'Nuff said.


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