Sunday, October 3, 2010

Liberation

The expectation of perfection is a prison.  We lock ourselves and others in without even realizing it, and soon we find our way blocked at every turn by walls we've built out of misguided expectations.  Then the Perfect Police keep us in.  Who are the Perfect Police?  Contrary to what you might think, the Perfect Police are not other people telling us what they expect.  The Perfect Police are the voices we create in our own heads, telling us we'll never be perfect but that everyone else thinks they are and expects us to be, too.  It's the voice that belittles our efforts.  It's the voice that tells us we have the right to judge others for not living up to our expectations.

It's time we liberate ourselves.

Liberation from the Prison of Perfection frees us to love ourselves.  When we shut out the Perfect Police, we see ourselves as we really are -- flawed but beautiful, imperfect but beloved.  We give ourselves credit for the intent of our heart and the effort we put in, rather than focusing on the finished product.

Similarly, liberation frees us to love others.  Accepting that those around us are also imperfect human beings allows us to not take offense when they make mistakes.  It allows us to look deeper, to find the whole person rather than relying on appearances.  Liberation frees us from feeling the need to sit in judgment of others.  We know that they aren't perfect, but we also acknowledge that we aren't either, and we can make a conscious decision to leave judgment to the One to whom it truly belongs -- God.

Although it may seem paradoxical, liberation from the expectation of perfection frees us to improve ourselves and become what God wants us to be.  If we let the Perfect Police constantly beat us down by telling us we'll never be good enough because we'll never reach our own impossible standard of perfection, how long will it take before we completely throw in the towel?  But if instead we build ourselves up with the reassurance that we need only do our level best, and that no mistake is so big it will block our path forever, we can keep moving forward and getting up when we fall.

Perhaps most importantly, liberation frees us to feel gratitude.  If we stop feeling bitter because our life isn't the uninterrupted perfect bliss we imagine it should be, we can feel gratitude to God for the countless blessings He gives us.  If we stop belittling ourselves, we can feel gratitude for all the things we can do.  If we stop judging others, we can feel gratitude for the efforts they put in and the intents of their hearts.  Gratitude is the ultimate weapon against the voices of the Perfect Police.

It's time to free yourself from this prison of your own making. Tear down the walls you've built from unrealistic expectations.  Tell the Perfect Police to take a hike.  Enjoy the freedom to love yourself for who you are NOW and give yourself permission to become all that you can be, and you will be able to give others that same freedom.  Free yourself to feel the joy of gratitude, and you will find peace even in imperfection.

Thank you for reading,
Tomi Ann

P.S.  If you think others might be uplifted by this post, please feel free to share wherever you share stuff!

3 comments:

  1. This is very true...Half of our problems is how we communicate to ourselves. We need to be kind to ourselves, so that we can be a great example to the people around us. (esp our children) It is hard however to be alright and content with ones self when you r a perfectionist. Even though you know in your head you aren't perfect and never will be....when you are a perfectionist you have to stop the dialogue to yourself that u need to be perfect. I for one have struggled with this and even have in the last years let my guard down and admitted my weaknesses to certain people. I think at first when you admit your flaws to certain people you feel guilt. The guilt comes from thinking that people now judge you for your weaknesses. A horrible cycle. I must say that it is sometimes the company you keep. Of course your family loves you unconditionally, but certain friends I will never probably feel safe admitting outloud that I am not perfect...Ha..Even though they probably already know it...Thanks Tomi....Krista Norman

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  2. This is a "perfect" paragraph to me: "Perhaps most importantly, liberation frees us to feel gratitude. If we stop feeling bitter because our life isn't the uninterrupted perfect bliss we imagine it should be, we can feel gratitude to God for the countless blessings He gives us. If we stop belittling ourselves, we can feel gratitude for all the things we can do. If we stop judging others, we can feel gratitude for the efforts they put in and the intents of their hearts. Gratitude is the ultimate weapon against the voices of the Perfect Police." Thank you, Tomi Ann!

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  3. I have gained a new perspective on gratitude as of late. When studying Testimony lately, I learned a great way to gain testimony is through counting your blessings. It allows God to show us what He has done for us each day. We can take our "cup" Heavenly Father has filled throughout the day and dump it out all over the floor, by saying " I have nothing, I am nothing, what a horrible life".Or we can take out each of those blessings, count them, and express gratitude. It helps us see the good and it's a great exercise for changing attitude or expectations.
    We could ask:
    What did I accomplish today? And not " what didn't I accomplish today"
    We aren't supposed to be perfect, I don't love my flaws, but I do find comfort in them. Strange but true.
    Emily

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